I started a new Bible study tonight. I was excited to bring my new Bible, take notes, and be involved in something healthy. For the next 8 weeks we will be covering Romans. Good ol' Romans. Its always been the book that reminded me that I'm not alone when I do the things I do not in fact want to do but do anyway. You with me?!
Our teacher prefaced with a different take though. She said bottom-line: Romans = by faith, I will trust God. It got me thinking; faith, trust, hope...all those things must be rooted in love. Love is the greatest gift our Heavenly Father has bestowed upon us. There is no greater love than His. But I didn't feel comforted in that. I asked myself instead do you love God? As in want to please Him through faith and trust because of my love. Ehhh scary question. I think so. I know I'm not very good at it. But I do, right?
Suddenly I wanted to be alone in my car so I could have this conversation with God and myself. I didn't want to be sitting in my chair constantly recrossing the opposite leg based on which thigh was asleep. I wanted out. 2 hours later I got my wish and the study ended. So here I am in bed, typing.
I thought about Jeff and how I love him. I want to have the laundry folded so he'll have his clothes ready. I am so proud when I cook something and I know he likes it and is not just being newlywed nice. I love to plan a date that I know he'll enjoy. I do these things because I love him. I even love him right now as I listen to him snore beside me.
I know I am in love. So why can't I be that sure about Christ. Am I really that shallow in that because I can see and touch Jeff that I am more convinced. After everything that I have been through don't I know by now? Man, I 'm frustrating. But I think I may have it wrong. I think you have to back up and ask yourself what does it mean to love God? Isn't it trusting him when you don't understand or pushing through a tough day because you know its the right thing to do. Don't we do these things because of love and in return our faith is strengthened? And at the same time our love is deepened in the reliance of Him. Kind of a fantastic little equation we got going on.
I think I may need to chew on that for awhile. Just being honest.
2 comments:
kate, i'm a friend of jeff's from US and he linked this on FB, so that's why i'm commenting. having been married for 22 years, i think your analogy between loving God and being in love with your spouse will seem more and more true the longer you're married.
there are things i do for my husband because i love him, but not because they're my favorite things to do. love is a choice, and loving God by choosing faith despite circumstances is a choice. sounds like you're making that decision, so keep on making it.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. :) And thank you for reading :) :)
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