Changing the way you do anything is hard. Really hard. I went to counseling this week and for the first 15 minutes I unloaded my emotional baggage one piece at a time. I'm pretty sure I overwhelmed my counselor and the 45 precious minutes we had left. (Don't you always wish there was more time?) She looked at me and suggested that maybe we talk about 2 of my 12 crises for today. Ok, fine.
We explored the issue, questioned why I perceived it that way, and what I could do to calm the flip down. But implementing the ways isn't really the real problem. Its the perception in my mind. Its the labels I give myself and the rabbit hole of mind destruction.
Sin comes in a lot of forms. In the south we like to think it fits nicely within the realms of the "classics." Gossip, killin', lying, sex before marriage, and so on to name a few. But we've underestimated it if we think it only approaches us through the classics. We live in a fallen world, full of brokenness, and sometimes sin comes to just hang out in your mind and change you if its successful. The truth is you won't even realize your depraved mind is at work most of the time because you are sinful by nature. It will never be that difficult to do the wrong thing.
This isn't really good news to me. It kind of makes me think things are never going to get better. That I may always emotionally overeat, that I'll assume I'm not a good christian, that I'll never have energy, that I'll always criticize others so I feel good about myself, and blah blah blah. The ol' Depression cranked up.
I read in Romans today for my Bible study (catch-up reading because I bailed last week) and a couple of things really punched me in the face.
"For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.(vs. 10)...For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under the law but under grace. (vs. 14)...But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed. (vs. 17)" ~ Romans Chapter 6 (ESV)
I highlighted the phrases that got me because to me they showed my "part" in all this. I am a child of God only through Jesus. He died for me, once and for all. I HAVE to consider myself dead to sin's power because my sinful mind does not own me. I have to be committed in this relationship, authentically from my heart, and carry on to the truth that has set me free from my old way of thinking. And this mind renewing is daily, most of the time minute by minute. Because sin is still there. But Grace is still there too and it is abounding.
This is not easy stuff to swallow and then carry on our merry way. It is hard. But if you sit still and think back to the last time you really lost yourself in Christ, was it not the most life-giving thing?
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