I just listened to an incredible sermon from my pastor about living in such a away that you exist solely on the basis that one is never in control of his or her circumstances but instead only a receiver of God's gift to them. Bottom line: your life was never yours to begin with so live humbly before Him and for Him. He challenged us to think about what it could mean to live that way, to actually view life from this standpoint.
This got me thinking about the life within me and the life I've known that is about to change forever. Yesterday Jeff and I each had private moments of freak outs thinking about a newborn in our graces in just 7 WEEKS!! We are going to be responsible for a life next month, no biggie just a few weeks away. Commence increase heart rate and balmy palms.
In my previous posts I have shared that it frightens me that I would be enough for this baby. Will I know what to do and will I be a wonderful Christian mother that sails through the good and bad. The fear has recently taken on a new mask about what I cannot control, no thanks to the public. I have heard countless stories of rare heart diseases, strange viruses, and birth defects undetected before birth...courtesy of facebook, strangers, and acquaintances. Wonderful, after 40 weeks of gestation I have no control over what happens to my baby. Never mind the foods I abstained from, vitamins I consumed, and healthy reports from doctor, my baby might not be okay or worse. I know this is an extreme worry and no doubt more extreme due to my anxiety but nevertheless it is there, just a nagging thought hanging out in the recesses of my mind.
I hate this fear but the good news is that I get to decide what to do with it. My God, the same God I prayed to over 8 months ago to entrust me with a baby, is still the same God that entrusts me to carry on with this pregnancy and overcome what may. This precious little baby boy was never mine to begin with, just a gift. I am so excited to be a mom and my prayer is to live humbly and believe what God believes me to be for Him and my son.
