I need God. I need him all the flippin' time. I am a mess without him. I am a mess held by
him. Sometimes my anxiety is so vast to hold that I can barely whisper,
"God, save me." Lately this
thought has been more apparent than ever.
Call it the peaks and valleys of life but when you're in the valley you
start to think about things. It is
probably one of the only perks of camping out in the desert; I think people
learn more with less. It's what they call clinging to anything just to feel the
sensation of holding. Makes you feel safe and that maybe...maybe someone is
holding onto the other half of the "rope" and you are not alone.
The entertainment industry has made millions
on this concept in conflict turned feel-good in the form of songs, movies,
drama TV and so on. I think it resonates
with the human spirit because people need to hang onto something. We were made to need. And I think right now in my season of life I
am realizing that I need God in the times of buds and fruit as well as barrenness
and gray.
One of my favorite songs by Faith Hill is called "When
the lights go down." The basic gist
of the song is that we all find out who we are when the lights go down, when it's
just you. I love my husband and my family and closest friends, they are amazing
cheerleaders but they cannot sit with me in the dark. They cannot fill up the
holes of fear, worry, anxiousness, and insecurity. That job belongs to one
alone and when the lights go down I think you choose a savior or yourself. Sadly most of us choose the latter and disappointment
most definitely ensues. I burnt just add
water and oil cookies last week, I CANNOT be in charge of my life.
