(Heavy Sigh) Here I am, again. I am so many things Lord. I say the wrong thing. I don't live my life above reproach. I should go the extra mile, but I don't. I should get up and get to work on time. I should even work out and drink more water, but coke is so good. I push away when love calls me near. Why do I do that? I should give myself a break too, but can't do that either. I'm just a sinner. Just a girl having a hard time and trying to go it alone. When will my stubborn will fade away?
Its Thanksgiving next week, but I guess you know that. There really is so much to be thankful for, but my spirit lacks the joy. Doctors tell me to hang in there, this one will work. 6th treatment plan later I am glad my hopes have never banked on their good intentions. That's not true, sometimes I have. But you know that. I listened to Louie Giglio's message on anxiety and one thing tapped me on the shoulder and has not stopped. He said it was BIG and to not forget that. He also said that it was an attack on your spirit. An actual detailed precise plan to wreck you. God, don't let it wreck me.
I don't have it all together. I may never, I think you're waiting for me to realize that, not you. Giving up is your greatest plan for me. It allows a clear path for your love to envelop my tired and anxious heart. I try so hard to fix me. And I keep thinking this is the day, this is the day I'll have success. But how wrong I've been. How so very wrong.
You are God. I am not. I give up.
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