What if this never goes away?

I think this is the most powerful question that anxiety and depression hold over you? It can plague every minute you are feeling low or come out of nowhere and cause a low. It is so powerful in fact that even a good day is not remembered when it strikes. I hate this question. And I'm sure if you've ever experienced mental unrest then you do as well.

So what are we supposed to do with it? My counselor has many of times mentioned to me that I let anxiety have its way with me. That I get in the car and let it drive, forgetting that I can get out at the next stop. Forgetting that I have options. I think the sad part is that we don't or won't think positively in these times. I struggle with my relationship with God the most in the darkest moments. I am usually asking HIM the question and interpreting my feelings of blackness as His answer. And as a result numbness sets in. Where is my loving Savior that wants to help me, to make me whole?

I have not mastered these times at all, but I have learned a few truths. And maybe If I type them out then I can remember them and lesson the power of this question. I have learned that feelings can't determine His presence or not and that feelings can't determine really anything. (So why do we have feelings?!!!!!???//another blog) I have also learned, thanks to A.W. Tozer, that God is not a liar. He cannot be anything but truth and therefore His word, our precious Bible, is not lies. If He says he won't leave you, won't give you more than you can handle, and that He is our refuge then this is truth. I, we, are not in the index of the Bible as a small note that states the word applies to all except (insert name) in the year 2011. It simply can't be.

So where is He? And what is the answer to this question? He is right beside you in the grocery store, traffic lane, or moment alone in your office. And maybe He's not fixing your fear immediately but instead holding your hand. Not what I would choose, but what do I know. And the answer to the second question is yet to be determined. It may stay, it may disappear one morning never to return, or it may pop up every once in awhile. Everyone's story is different. I suppose the healing lies in something different. I'll let you know when I find out. :)

God Bless,
K