I gave birth 11 weeks ago tomorrow and wouldn't you know it I already believe my body should be back to pre-baby weight and then some. I thought I'd give birth, breast feed, and only drink vegetable juice. Ugh...no so at all. Most days I think about taking Knox out for errands just so I won't eat for an hour. I couldn't swing breast feeding with having to take anxiety meds and most days I dream of oreos. I seriously think about them a lot. That yummy cream in between chocolaty goodness. I want to eat like 7 ALL THE TIME. (Heavy Sigh) So sometimes I eat 3 and then later stand on the scale or look at myself from all angles with disgust. I still have a baby bump, but its a fake one. Not the cute belly you had at 3-4 months pregnant. This one is squishy and feels like a trampoline made of teddy bear stuffing. I fear its here to stay.
So in between the thoughts of oreos, bikinis, and body disgust I try to remember something else. I just had a BABY. I've been through a lot and I'm surviving new motherhood. I should be proud I even showered today or that I made my bed and put the pillows on. And dang it I can eat an oreo or two. But seriously, God can't be pleased with me hating my body and putting unrealistic expectations on myself to be a SELF magazine girl. I also know he probably was sad when I didn't have a baby at all and I still body shamed myself.
This topic is tired and the articles, blogs, and bible verses of loving yourself still don't seem to penetrate women body views. I don't have the answer either. But maybe a start is grace for yourself. Maybe we eat one oreo, hug ourselves, pray for strength to carry on with a Godly mindset of health. And its ok if the oreo is double-stuffed.
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