Anger

Anger is a powerful thing to behold. I never considered myself as a person that struggled with anger. Anxiety, worry, and distrust...you bet. But anger, no way. I don't even like conflict and yet anger has found a way into my heart. It actually feels a lot like an anxiety attack. It bubbles up and then tightens your chest like an unexpected bear hug. Maybe that's why I didn't see it coming.


But here I am, angry and probably a little pride-ridden too. What or whom I'm angry about is beside the point. People and circumstances will always frustrate you. Don't count on that NOT happening in life. The real issue at hand though is what anger does to our insides. It's like a whole world is happening in our minds that only we are privy to. We mull over past conversations, scenarios, and even fake scenarios of future occurrences we think will happen. And all the while our hearts are changing, morphing into people we wouldn't care to be friends with.

Sin is ugly like that. Remember those anti- smoking ads from the 90s that said something like, "if what happened on your inside happened on your outside, would you still smoke?" And then we see a shriveled up human head and lung set that is black, gooey, and charred. Umm gross. Kind of makes you think though, would we let anger set foot in our souls if we knew who we would become. Because at the moment I am distracted, irritable, attempting to control situations, sending words I wish I could take back, and definitely not looking to the Bible or prayer to calm my anxious heart. Not to mention the fact that I'm downing Easter Peeps like it's my job. (Sigh, emotional eating...for another blog)

I mentioned my state to a friend and he quoted a story about a woman who asked God to remove her resentment. The story ends where the woman is challenged to pray for others what she would pray for herself. So...I'm supposed to pray for good health, peace, humbleness, kindness, and the rest of the good fruits for others? Challenge indeed. But I think the story might be onto something. Prayer changes your insides too...slowly and surely weaving through holes and binding up our broken hearts.

Dear God,

I'm angry. I hate the way a lot of things are right now. And I'm prideful in what I believe is the best way to proceed in life. But you are none of those things. Change my heart as you change my loved ones and circumstances. Fill our hearts with humbleness and wisdom and remind us who is really driving. And break our hearts too if need be. If that's what it takes to melt away the stubbornness and cling to the only thing that does not sink.

Help us believe when everything says we shouldn't.

Love,

Kate Johnson