I do.

T-minus 9 days till I dooooooooooooooooooooo. Till I say yes to forever with my best friend. And everything else that includes that I’m not privy too yet. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m ok or if I need anything. Secretly I wonder if they think I’m going to run away and not look back. (I’m not, I don’t even have enough money for rent). Or maybe they think my anxiety will grow like kudzu and swallow me. I’ve feared this as well. But I’m not in that place nor am I in blissful diva-bride mode either. I’m in a quiet place with lots of thoughts swirling around my mind. I’ve always been fascinated with time. The idea of a moment in time you cannot retrieve again is incredible. It’s an imprint of a happening on your heart. Major or minor… it’s there. My mind is filled with those moments. Memories of growing up, learning about Christ and then not grasping it till my twenties, and all the ups and downs of just being in my twenties. Please know I don’t view my life as complete now because I’m changing my last name. Marriage doesn’t complete you, that would be waaay too much pressure on your significant other. But so much change is underway, so much to walk through, so much joy too. Don’t get me wrong, these are ALL good things. But their paths are dark right now and the anxious are planners! We need to know what’s ahead. How can I prepare? What goes on my mental to do list? The answers are nothing and nothing. So I’m sorta quiet. Reflecting upon what I’ve been through and maybe just maybe how it’s prepared me for this next step. I want so much to be a good wife. To know when to shut up, to encourage, to not say sarcastic things, and to really learn how to fold a fitted sheet. I want to already be good at everything for Jeff. But that is not how God works. You don’t get to know, to be perfect. He requires of us one thing: hold onto to Him. Time will go on and I’ll make a ton of mistakes and a lot of memories. It will be a new journey. I guess that’s what I’m thinking about. Quietly preparing for. I love you Jeff.