Moral Failure

Sigh…what a season. I have been going non-stop at work and taking a long with me a lot of negative energy as well as numbness. I had been doing slammin’ (who doesn’t love a good slammin’ reference) and then I crashed. My counselor would say it’s a multiple of things and she’d be right, but I also think I’ve forgotten what Christmas is meant to mean. I think it’s quite simple to not get enough sleep…to hang at the food table at parties-over indulging…to not take time to rest…to heavy sigh at your co-workers…to gossip like a machine…to snap at your parents…to dwell on the hurt of a sibling…to worry about money…to curse at traffic…or to even hate the weather-why the flip isn’t it cold? And then comes the big one… Expectations. Expecting to feel a certain way about the holidays, wanting to have Christmas spirit, and looking to feel warmth in your heart before the season ends. The perfect dinner, party, date, or family experience is a difficult perfect to reach. And when it’s over and you stop to think about where you’re at you sometimes find that empty is where you are. This is especially easy when your anxious or depressed brain feels the most comfortable in the dark. Where are you Zoloft?

Yesterday I had about five minutes before I had to be at a party and I flopped down on my bed and attempted to pray. All I felt was ugh. I was disappointed in myself and I knew talking to God had not been on my radar. I wasn’t living Philippians chapter 2 or really any of the Bible. It was 3 days before Christmas and not yet had a Christmas carol, church sermon, or devotional penetrated me. I hadn’t thought about the manger. It’s still hard to comprehend a God that loves you SO much that he was thinking about you so long ago. He knew I was inadequate in every way. That more prayer, more volunteer time, more sacrifice, more church wasn’t going to make a perfect me. And there it is, that simple. I needed a savior. My counselor told me once, “Congratulations, you are a complete and utter moral failure” (Tim Keller). I didn’t think about it then but a congrats is the perfect preface to our human moral conflict.

So with that I pray you take time to dwell upon the nativity and to remember that empty doesn’t have to stay empty. It’s never too late to remember Christmas.

Merry Christmas!