I dislike it. At one point in time I hated it. We're sorta friends now. This took a lot, and I mean A LOT of time. I once stared at a pill for 20 minutes before taking it. For all I knew my liver was going to be in trouble if a stroke didn't get me first. I think we all have seen the commercials where the side effects are voiced quickly in the end as you watch someone laughing and walking on a beach. Or maybe you've even heard the controversy of how meds can sometimes have an adverse effect and cause you to plummet even lower.
I was terrified last year when my doctor prescribed me drugs. Would it change me, change my brain? Maybe nothing was really wrong with me and I didn't need them. These thoughts were on repeat as I waited at CVS. I had never had anything in my system stronger than an antibiotic and now I was going to pop a pill everyday that helped regulate brain chemicals. Eeek. My counselor helped me sort through my fears, but its been a long road.
I'm not sure how I came to be at peace with it, but at some point I had to put my trust in my doctor and my counselor. I had to believe that perhaps this was a season where I needed a little external help, that God was going to be with me when I swallowed. And with me when I had to change medicine by weaning off the old pill and introducing a new one. And with me when I had to take an anti-anxiety pill on top of the daily meds because I was having a rough day. And with me as I finally closed my eyes when my sleeping pill kicked in because the anxiety was too strong to relax. And with me through every headache, stomach-ache, dizzy spell, and fatigue day. Even typing this I sigh at how much he has had to intervene for me in this journey. Grateful doesn't seem big enough to say.
The picture above is the side effects and drug information that came with my newest medicine. I had to laugh at it and snap a pic before crumpling it. (It was front and back)
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