my year

Dear Kate,

2013 will be a big year for you even though it may not appear as though. There will be a lot of changes, ups, downs and all of those seasonally things that make us grow.

You will still be inside the first year of marriage and learning what the heck it means to be a good wife. If the laundry being finished is something to be mastered or should you just let it pile as you sit and spend time with your husband and best friend. You will wonder when he needs alone time or if you should press when he states he is fine. You will wonder how to juggle friends and the urgency to just want to be alone with him. He will teach you the art of being you and how that is not only enough but perfect. He will teach you this because he believes what God believes. And then you will love him a lot more. You will fight and wonder what to do to make it magical again and then you'll learn that magic is not the goal, but instead forgiveness. You will wonder a lot about many things and that's ok. Marriage is not be achieved in year 1 or 50.  Just enjoy it Kate, its a gift.

You will finally go to the stomach doctor and answer the question, "how long has your stomach hurt?" with an embarrassing answer, "30 years." And then you'll have an ultrasound and find out that the tiny green organ called the gall bladder must come out. It is riddled with stones. And then you'll take pain pills for the first time in your life and close your eyes to a star galaxy. No really, you'll be touching stars and then you won't take the pills anymore because that's scary. Please also know that the surgery will not work, your stomach will still hurt, just a little less. And you won't lose any weight.

You will begin to wrestle with the question about what is exactly you want out of life and then you'll ponder ending chapters and beginning new ones.  You'll put yourself out there and wonder about new careers and then you'll hold your heart after it is burned and question what God is up to. This will be a difficult one and one that does not resolve at the year's end. But that's ok because I think, maybe just maybe, its one of the best trips you'll take with God. And you may even learn to trust a bit more. My God, do you need it Kate.

Your heart will sigh heavy as you watch your family suit up and face a new winter. It's cold harsh winds will almost seem to much to watch but then you'll see a new light too. You'll see strength and perseverance. Pain is hard, just hard. No one is amazing at pain, no one sails through it to a graduation of new horizons. Grace is the only way through.

2013 will be both good and difficult. And it will be of worth. I suppose if I could write this letter to the Kate of last January this is what I might have said.