I wish I wrote more.
I wish I read my Bible more....like more than once a week.
I wish I wasn't so selfish.
I wish I put my husband first above myself.
I wish I could remember to take the clothes out of the dryer to fold them.
I wish a lot of things...
For some reason lately I keep thinking I need to get my act together so that when my son arrives I'll be the graceful mom that smiles all the time and leans on God's goodness and never freaks out. I'm of course concerned about new mom stuff like feedings, fevers, getting him to sleep without creating bad habits of rocking, night lights, and etc. But I've started to think about what kind of example I'll be. Will I demand perfection because I'm pretty sure my future two year-old will not grace me with it. Will I expect him to become a Christian simply because his Dad and I are... without owning and living out daily what it is to believe in Jesus and what he did. Eeek, I'm scared. Is there a book on Amazon for me??
The truth is 15 weeks from now I won't be ready. Not even close. I can't crash course mommyhood and being a good Christian. I'm just going to have to start where I know to go. The place my mom taught me to go, the altar. An altar doesn't have to be your childhood memory of the 3-5 steps that led up to the pulpit either. It's you alone in your car, sitting on the couch staring out the window, or amidst a room full of people (I'd recommend alone time though for those of us that distract easily). It's just a prayer to start again and give God back the reins. I'm scared out of my mind but 6 months ago God entrusted me to be a mom. Me, a mom?! I think I'll start there and thank God.
I can't wait to meet you little guy. I promise to try to remember that the only way to be a good mom to you is to start again every morning at the altar.
I love you.
