Well, we made it. One year married. It's been amazing. No really, it truly has.
We were told by "they" that the first year was the most difficult and
while it did come with obstacles it was way more fun than troublesome.
For some reason, we'll get to that later, God decided to
bless me with the best guy. I'm not sure
I understood what a spiritual leader was until Jeff. Of course I used to demand
my boyfriends to be one but heaven forbid they ask me to define it. We were just kids trying to be adults and
pretending to protect each other's hearts. None of those relationships prepared me for
marriage and or what healthy roles should look like. Even pre-marital counseling couldn't really
paint the picture clear enough.
A year ago I had phrases and vows of submitting, Christ
loving the church, for better or for worse and so on swirling around in my
mind. I was scared that day I uttered those powerful words because I didn't
know what they meant yet. All I knew was that I loved someone and I trusted God
to take the next step. And then the next step happened, quickly. I was a wife
and Jeff was a husband. Boom!
I'd like to think that Jeff read some special book about
being married that I wasn't privy too but that is not the case. I think he just
decided to love well by drawing from his own experience of Christ loving
him. I have watched him pray for us, hug
me on dark days, make me my favorite dinner, go for walks even though he was
tired, get frustrated with me and then turn around and tell me he loves me,
make the bed because I like it, and a million other things. He says the kindest
things when I believe I look the worst and laughs at all my silly jokes. He even took me out for donuts after we left
the doctor and no one was sure my sight would come back. He said I needed to
try the best donut in town and after I told him I couldn't see the flavors
behind the glass counter he explained each donut to me. Jeff loves well.
This past weekend we went to Savannah to celebrate our
anniversary. It was one of those trips that seem magical and you come back
convinced that you're moving there. We
laughed so hard while inside jokes were born. I fell in love all over
again. At the end of the trip I was
standing in the shower thinking about Jeff and how much I loved him and the
Holy Spirit whispered gently in my mind that Jeff's love for me was only a tiny
smidge of how God feels about me. This
got me. Depression and anxiety will tell
you a ton of lies but the most powerful will be that you might not have been a
good idea to God. That maybe on the umpteenth
day of disaster and dread you might actually start believing the lie of
worthlessness. SO NOT TRUE.
God is real and you were always a good idea. I am thankful for my smidge of love through
my husband as a reminder of the Great Keeper of my Heart.
