Let it Go.

I heard once that the anxious-minded do not trust themselves. I suppose this makes sense but it never bothered me till recently. "I don't trust myself," seemed too much to admit and yet it was painfully obvious to accept.

Over the last few weeks the verses in Psalm 3:5-6 have come to my mind. A reminder that I believe has become my life verse. The book of wisdom had been speaking to me, duh Kate. To trust in God, to give up the crutch of my neuro pathways, and to acknowledge the One who walks behind, beside, and before me. And what do you get in return? A straight path! Isn't that what we all want? Especially the anxious-minded? We just want a path we know is safe. We may not see around the bend or even that the path crosses many pot-holes. A safe path does not mean a path is without pain. The path is straight though, that we are promised.

Further down in Chapter 3, God gives us a little more insight in walking the straight path. Vs. 26 states," for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." Confidence. The firm trust in something other than yourself. We cannot choose our paths ultimately but we can choose our confidence. Anxiety plants you still. No growth. No air. No life.

So I'll end with a plea to you and to myself. Let it go. Your damaged thought patterns are the means to your fear and distrust of yourself and Christ. A safe path awaits you. Just let it go.

who tells you who you are?

Setbacks can be tough with anxiety and depression. They usually force you to look at your circumstances with different lenses. You stop in your journey and sigh at the road ahead, SO MUCH ground to cover. So far yet to go. Its easy to get frustrated with yourself and begin to believe that no ground yet has even been covered. That you are right smack back at the beginning and thats an awful place to be.

Tonight I am anxious. My heart is pounding, I'm a little concerned how sleep will go, and I'm wondering what my body is doing. Things have been good lately, great even! But last week I started feeling anxious and it kinda stayed with me, like a dull back pain that you try to ignore. And when I did give it attention it grew by two-fold. And here I am.

My counselor mentioned that sometimes prayer is used as a means to feed anxiety. This sounds untrue, but if you constantly fret and state your worries to God then your mind is anxiety focused only. It is not thinking about Christ or WHO he is. She encouraged me to pray the names of God, to dwell on his power. I even read Jesus Calling (excellent devotional book) today and it stated that the more you focus on your worries the less you concentrate on God and tension occurs. It encouraged you to thank him for the answers and as a result your focus changes. So tonight I started a new resolution. My first for 2012. I wrote out my worries and then I thanked Him for the answers. Am I going to be great at let go, and let God? Probably not, but I think I'm more concerned with seeing through new lenses.

I wrote in my journal, "its anxiety not an identity." I think we need to remember this the most. Setbacks, counseling sessions, every time you pop a pill, or lose sleep can be reminders that you are not well. And suddenly you have a label that you hate wearing. But who tells you who you are? God. That's the only saving grace to any of this. The world and even yourself will tell you different. Ask God to remind you who you are.